So what I always do before I begin any project is I actually sit down and have a conversation with the fear and just say:
‘Look, we’re going on a road trip, me and creativity, and I know you’re coming… I know that you’re going to do the thing that you do, which is to just sit in the back seat and scream at the top of your lungs at every corner at all the horrible things that could go wrong. And thank you, because I know that’s your contribution. But creativity and I are going to make all the choices, and you don’t get to make any of them.’ – Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic
As I mentioned in my previous posts, when starting this blog I made the decision not to discuss certain things: the Universe, yoga etc. Another one was my personal life and feelings. Somehow I had convinced myself that MyAbsorbentMind was going to be purely informational and that was somehow going to be interesting to people. (Not really sure what I was thinking there.)
My thinking was: while I am here going for my dreams and wanting to tell you why these things are so awesome, let me make sure I don’t get too personal or entertain you. Because then you won’t take me seriously.
What it is about “being yourself” and having people “not take you seriously?” I have heard various people say this and as I reread it, it strikes me as a really bizarre thought.
Well, I’ll call a spade and spade here: it’s a fear of rejection. It’s the fear that I am going to say something and everyone is going to be like “OMG she’s sooo stupid,” and I will be dead in the water before I even begin. While fear of rejection happens to most people, I have come to realize that the key is to tell your mind to stop lying to you.
(‘Cause it does. Nonstop. Which is why you have to give it a stern talking to when you are starting something new.)
I bring this up because, once again, I am finding myself working through that.
Currently, there is so much that is running through my brain. Some of it is what I have done in the past and who I am now, but it’s mostly what I want for my future. As I am studying the capabilities of children, and realizing the capabilities of humanity as a whole, everything seems possible. Every last bit.
But here’s the thing…After we get incredibly inspired and think big, something snaps us out of it. Then we think small again.
It’s almost like I am bracing myself for the person who will say, “Patty, who do you think you are doing this huge thing?” but then I realize more than this imaginary person saying this imaginary thing to me, what I’m actually afraid of is the fact that when said person says said negativity to me, I will agree with them. Out of fear, of course.
So before I even begin, fear has made me say,“You’re right. I’m totally crazy. There’s no way I can do this big thing. I don’t know how I am going to do it, so it’s probably not going to work out. Let’s just be realistic and put my head down and be average.”
So I guess I need to be a “real” person and tell you that this big change in my life is scary. It’s scary because I see the giant potential for me and I am questioning whether I am really capable of doing it.
Why? It’s because the life of a small child is incredibly fragile. While it is an honor and a privilege to shape the future of society, it is also huge responsibility. It’s one that should not be taken lightly.
This is the true perspective in which we must see the child. This is his importance. He makes everything possible. On his work stands civilization. This is why we must offer him the help he needs, and be at his service so he does not have to walk alone.” (The Absorbent Mind, p 104)
One of the most important things I have learned in the past two years is that regardless of the fact that things are scary, I need to do them anyway. Which, of course folks, is why I am here. 🙂
And thank the Universe that I have an amazing role model to keep me going:
A woman who saw her own effigy and years of hard work set ablaze by the Nazis. A woman who escaped to India in order to continue her work, only to return many years later to raise her schools from the ashes of a post-WWII Europe. (I’d say Montessori was a true phoenix of her time. Wouldn’t you?)
If she can do that, I can certainly do this.
So, go ahead and take the back seat Fear. Just know that I have gotten super awesome at ignoring you.
Until next time,
Peace, Love, and Boldness